I broke down again today. It’s been the fourth or fifth time this semester. And it’s only the third week.

I am frustrated. I am afraid. I don’t understand why I don’t understand what they understand. I would blame my homesickness, the Malaysian education system, my professor, whatever.

I’m struggling. This is so tough for me it’s not even funny. I’m freaking out.

I’m not big on being vulnerable to people who read the stuff I write. But I’m doing this so that someday you can look back with me and say “That was all Him.”

I forsee more breakdowns. Pray for me if you will. As of now, it’s one day at a time for me.

Filipi 4:13

Segala perkara dapat kutanggung dalam Dia yang memberi kekuatan kepadaku.

But when I was saving my work the PC crashed. File gone.

Me was sad.

And yesterday me own laptop froze 3 times and me had to restart.

I tell you, God sent computers to teach me patience.

¹⁷ One day Jesus was teaching, and Pharisees and teachers of the law were sitting there. They had come from every village of Galilee and from Judea and Jerusalem. And the power of the Lord was with Jesus to heal the sick. ¹⁸ Some men came carrying a paralyzed man on a mat and tried to take him into the house to lay him before Jesus. ¹⁹ When they could not find a way to do this because of the crowd, they went up on the roof and lowered him on his mat through the tiles into the middle of the crowd, right in front of Jesus.

 ²⁰ When Jesus saw their faith, he said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven.”

²¹ The Pharisees and the teachers of the law began thinking to themselves, “Who is this fellow who speaks blasphemy? Who can forgive sins but God alone?”

 ²² Jesus knew what they were thinking and asked, “Why are you thinking these things in your hearts?²³ Which is easier: to say, ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or to say, ‘Get up and walk’? ²⁴ But I want you to know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins.” So he said to the paralyzed man, “I tell you, get up, take your mat and go home.” ²⁵ Immediately he stood up in front of them, took what he had been lying on and went home praising God. ²⁶ Everyone was amazed and gave praise to God. They were filled with awe and said, “We have seen remarkable things today.”

v17 says that the Pharisees and teachers of the law had come from every village in Galilee and Judea and Jerusalem. Before this story, it is told that Jesus had just healed a Jewish leper, and so news had spread about him. The Pharisees and teachers of the law were coming from all over to see if this man, Jesus, was truly the Messiah they had been waiting for.

Picture this: Jesus in a house with all these Pharisees and teachers of the law surrounding him. A house full of dignitaries, like those VIP people from Washington D.C.

And then the roof starts crumbling, and a man is lowered in the midst of all these important people.

Jesus, instead of pointing out how ridiculously rude this was, says “Friend, your sins are forgiven.”

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I love how Jesus looked past the rudeness of the action and saw their hearts.

Think about the kid who took rolls of toilet paper and unrolled them to make what he claimed to be a flower arrangement for his mother.

He made a mess alright, but he did it out of good intentions. Wouldn’t you forgive that child?

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I realize how critical I am sometimes of how people choose to run things in church etc, when their intentions are nothing more than to serve the Lord.

Forgive me Father. Help me see what You see. Make me more like You.

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1 Samuel 1:21-23.

²¹ When her husband Elkanah went up with all his family to offer the annual sacrifice to the LORD and to fulfill his vow, ²² Hannah did not go. She said to her husband, “After the boy is weaned, I will take him and present him before the LORD, and he will live there always.”^[a]

 ²³ “Do what seems best to you,” her husband Elkanah told her. “Stay here until you have weaned him; only may the LORD make good his^[b] word.” So the woman stayed at home and nursed her son until she had weaned him.

footnote [b]: your

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I imagine how hard it must have been for Elkanah. The barren wife whom he loved, now miraculously had a child. A child which undoubtedly, he loved very much as well. But here he was, reminding Hannah of the promise she had made to the Lord: that the son born unto her will be given to the Lord for all the days of his life, to serve in the temple of the Lord. He loved his wife and he loved his son, but God is God. God is number one.

There’s an example of a God fearing partner right there.

Thought.

1 John 2:1-2

 ¹ My dear children, I write this to you so that you will not sin. But if anybody does sin, we have an advocate with the Father—Jesus Christ, the Righteous One. ² He is the atoning sacrifice for our sins, and not only for ours but also for the sins of the whole world.

What better advocate could you have than Him who died in your place?

Won’t be able to see Michelle & Zack Jernigan (and Penny) and Eric Johnson when I get back. It was great spending time with them this Christmas.

Hello DC!

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For personal appreciation.

One thing about Christmas: contrary to what ads say, it’s not all about giving, it’s also about receiving. Receiving is hard. We place a lot of thought on how hard it is to give. That’s true. Giving up something for someone else, be it money, time, thought, whatever, can be hard. But what about receiving? Receiving makes someone feel indebted to another. The larger the gift, the stronger the feeling. And in 2 Corinthians 9:15, it says “Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!”

The feeling of being indebted to someone else can make the receiver less comfortable receiving, even up to the point of politely refusing the gift. But when it comes to the level of comfort in receiving, there are other factors to be taken into: like the necessity of the gift. I remember watching Wah Lai Toi drama series that would have scenes of filthy rich Chinese families doing their annual act of charity by giving out grains. Those people had no trouble trying receiving (they even tried to get as much as they could) because they were starving, and those grains were necessary to feed their starving families.

There are other factors like closeness of the giver and the recipient, and of their standing. But from my years of watching Wah Lai Toi series,  I think these factors are nothing when juxtaposed to the factor of necessity. When you desperate, you take.

My prayer this year is that we who have found and received this gift will continue to be thankful and give our rightful praise and devotion to God. And for those who have not yet received, to realize how much we need it.

Happy Birthday, Jesus. Thanks for Your gift.

On a side (and MORE IMPORTANT) note,

Welcome YAN LONG to the family of Christ!

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